January Rain

Golden Globe parties at the Chateau Marmont? A position outside the Globes ceremony? If I had of tried hard enough and could climb really tall fences it might have happened (I was on the bus on Santa Monica and happened to go past the hotel where it was but had no clue it was on), so  fuck that shit homie! Ima goin' to the Rainbow Bar and Grill to reinact scenes from November Rain and be served by total bitch waitresses who used to be top notch slags in the 80s, hanging off Motley Crue's collective cocks (cock-i?) but are now stuck behind the bar looking like saggy Elvira's with no other thrills than being rude to rawk n' roll tourists like myself. Hells yeah! I WISH I turn out to be like these bitches when I'm old. Getting paid to be a bitch? Now that's my kind of job.

Sample contextualising conversation:

Saggy bitch Elvira waitress: "whaddya want"
Me: "What beer do you have?"
Saggy bitch Elvira waitress: "Well what kinda beer you want?"
Me: " Well what kind of beer do you have? I don't know - that's WHY I'M ASKING"

Urgh!

The Lab has been on a rock and roll tour of LA hotspots from the 80's. Nay, the Lab is LIVING the RAWK dream. The Lab likes to mix it up a little so we also took a spin round various Hollywood bars, gallery openings (HOLY SHIT LA artists are full of it. But lucky for me I know my Deleuze so enjoyed firing little Deleuze bullets every time I was patronised. Take that Rhizhomatic grenade punk! I see your patronising art-speak and raise you TEN!). The Lab (plus crazy new friend) also made sure to give a ride to a 21 year old girl to pick up her husband from the Wilshire Blvd jail. We nice like that.

It began as such:

(the lovely Glenna)

(the lovely dog whose name I can't remember)

(prepartory devil horn throwing for the night ahead)

Saturday night involved cruising up Sunset, past all the papps outside the Chateau Marmont (Globes parties were all over town) and up to the Strip proper. The Whiskey, The Roxy, Rainbow, the Viper Room and to a less meaningful extent, the House of Blues and the Troubador. I'd already been to a show at the House of Blues about 10 years ago so couldn't be bothered to go back there again.

Sipping shit beer at the Rainbow Bar for a large $US6 each was a true highlight. Terrible service and a really unwelcoming vibe totally killed my ability to take any photos. Apart from these shit ones:

(Rainbow Bar and Grill)

(Rainbow Bar and Grill)

The Roxy is next door, and then down from there the Whiskey. Each place you need tickets to get in, so the Lab just observed from outside. It's mainly kids who look like Blink 182 - essentially play school rock and roll and the kids to match.

Not the most exciting rock and roll experience, but never the less, one that HAD to be done.

(chicks on Sunset outside the Whiskey)

(the Rainbow)

(cool kids from the Viper Room)

(band on Sunset between the Roxy and the Whiskey)

But in more exciting news, I did meet someone who is a friend of a friend who is Axl Rose's cable TV installer. If that doesn't make me totally rock and roll royalty I don't know what does. I mean HELLO! I know the guy who knows the guy who programs Axl's TV!!! DAY_UM! Apparently Axl used to call this guy all the time at weird hours of the night, totally wasted and be all like "shit! I threw something at the damn TV! Can you come fix it??!! Like, now!!"

The ending of the November Rain video all makes sense now - when Axl sits up in bed all upset/distraught. He's like, totally about to call his cable guy because he fucked up the TV again and can't handle the stress of it all. Poor guy.

(bars in Hollywood - 3 of Clubs, the main bar in Swingers)

(Frankie and Johnnie)

(hangover breakfast on Sunset in Silverlake. My head hurts.)