Lapsed psycho killers are the worst

The crazy religious people are back at my bus stop. Taking MY buses, and depleting my reserves of patience, which are historically always at drought levels. I'm on like level three million patience restriction already. I can't waste any more of this rare resource, especially not on these people that talk AT me.

Very funnily enough I was right in the middle of listening to Future of the Left's Lapsed Catholics are the Worst. When who rocks up and taps me on shoulder, overjoyed at seeing me again? Yes, crazy religious lady numero uno. I wonder what would happen if I listened to Sonic Youth's Catholic Block?



I'm too scared to play it now, for fear I will have Mormons banging on my door before the chorus.

Yes so anyway, needless to say I was more than pissed off that she didn't understand the universally known sign that a person with headphones on, and who doesn't take them off even when you start talking to them means FUCK OFF. Double FUCK OFF even. That failed and she still seemed over the moon to see me. I'm not known for fits of insincere enthusiasm so I don't understand why she would be excited to see me. The dialogue went as such:

Her: (don't know what she said. wasn't listening)

Her: It's Claire right?

Me: Yes

Her: Named after Saint Claire right?

Me: No

Her: BLAH BLAH BLAH x 40 minutes.

And just so it doesn't look like I'm a total bitch, let me just clarify that she was talking at me the whole bus ride, exclaiming how the Lord is amazing and that my life is a waste if I don't believe this. I think her life is a total waste if she believes this is the way to hold meaningful relationships - by patronising the fuck out of everyone that comes her way. Okay so that didn't really make me look less of a bitch but you get my drift - we're not just dealing with a loney lady here who wants a bit of conversation. We're dealing with a high level patronising religious zealot that has no FUCKING right to take up all the dialogue on such a subject.

ANYWAY - I digress…..I've been out and about in the Canyons, finding lots of amusing and slightly disturbing things that I felt worthy of wasting your time with.
First up, on the approach to the canyon entrance there is this:

I'm not sure which is more stupid, the fact that the road is built toward a canyon crevice, or that people need to be told despite the immediate view of a cliff edge, that they shouldn't drive any further.

But the most frustrating thing I see when I go to the canyon is the sign which sadly tells me I can't  bust out with my fantasies of mass killings.

Note the 'no firearms' sign amongst the no littering warning. Bummer. I was really hoping to kill everyone in my way. That would make my blog much more interesting.

And still on the signage, there is a notice about 'living with Kayotes'. They really exist! Or I am really living in Looney Tunes. If I see a Road Runner it will confirm it for me (they actually exist too!).

Still no luck spotting a rattlesnake, but signs of rabbit holes are everywhere which would indicate they have to be around here somewhere. Maybe I'll start overturning random logs and see if I can feel around with my hands for one. Again, that would be totally awesome for the blog.

So as you can see, it's excitement all round in Cali. I will actually post something intelligent at some point. Hang in there, dear reader (I assume there's only one?). I'll scrape together a brain cell or two and see what I can find.