35,000 feet high and rising

I would just like to point out that this post and the last were written while 35 000 feet high in the sky (not like that, like - literally). I'm on a freakin' plane to San Francisco dude!

I also have my copy of Wired beside my Mac laptop, a diet coke on the tray table (well I am diabetic), my runners on (not trainers, but those ugly running shoes for, yes, when I RUN). I've also stopped smoking (patches permitting ofcourse), I buy organic milk, I drink low carb beer (otherwise known as piss), I get excited about air-wicking running tops, I blog while on aeroplanes - do I need to go on with this list? - When the FUCK are one of you alleged friends going to stage an intervention! This is SERIOUS. Someone please help me, dear god I'm slipping away into the black hole of cliche faster than this plane is flying right now. I NEED HELP PEOPLE.

LA, part 1 - This is how I roll

Land of the (free)way

Well I don't quite roll like this car owner, but some guy in East LA rolls in this green machine.

I assume he has every non-speed-bumped street in LA memorised. Or he just sticks to one of the six lanes to choose from on each freeway. One just isn't enough is it? I also assume he rides with a bkini clad hoochie-mama on either side of him. How else could you justify a car like this? I mean, it couldn't be owned by a housewife with two kids now could it??

Yes, so, The Lab has gone on tour. First up LA for some rockn' roll, art lovin' good times. It began as I cruised into LA in true style. Yes, the Greyhound bus. That bus started hopping and bouncing into town just as you'd expect! See car bouncing reference video below. It was totally like that. (skip to 2.20 mins to see bouncy car action. The chicks in the video are most likely the green truck drivers biatches)

I caught up with a very old friend of mine which was brilliant. Hopped in the Dawn-truck and cruised around LA. She had a performance on later in the day (see part two, when I write it...), at this house party/art opening. More on that in a separate blog post.

(dawnicus maximus!)

The architecture of Southern California is amazing and I've started taking photos of all the houses I've either mooched around in, or just walked past. Highland Park LA is where I stayed, and the house was this totally amazing snow cabin meets Boogie Nights kind of pad.

(where's dirk?)

Note that wood paneling!

But the most AWESOME part of the trip was going to Canter's deli. Oh my fucking rock n roll GOD! I SAT IN THE SAME BOOTH THAT GUNS N ROSES sat in for their first photo shoot. I was fucking jumping out of my seat in excitement! YES ! I really displayed a full show of enthusiasm like a normal person! I can really do it! We sat down for a massive breakfast (you want caw-fee wid dat?) and I looked up to see the photographic evidence on the wall above. I was sitting where Duf sat. He's just so pretty! Totally hilarious seeing hetro men try to act all cock-rock while looking like Debbie Gibson.

(just noticed the guns n roses photo and realising i was sitting in their seat! extreme nostril flare = I'm excited!)

(Dawn in Axl's seat, and Deanna does a mean Slash)

Turns out the owner (Mark Canter) of the deli is Slash's best mate. Naturally he's riding off the back of his friend and flogging books, tshirts and caps to advertise the fact. What a mate. And yes, you bet your cotton rockn n roll socks I got the book! Aint no way I'm missing out on owning photographs of Guns N Roses playing at Mark's son's bar mitzvah! Fucking gold! Imagine what that would have been like! Slash doing a guitar solo/stroking his cock out the front of the synagogue, Axl on the keyboards about to bitch slap his wife, Duf out the back shooting up…and who was the other dude? Can't remember. That would have been one awesome bar mitzvah for sure.

More freeway love from LA in the next post....

Lapsed psycho killers are the worst

The crazy religious people are back at my bus stop. Taking MY buses, and depleting my reserves of patience, which are historically always at drought levels. I'm on like level three million patience restriction already. I can't waste any more of this rare resource, especially not on these people that talk AT me.

Very funnily enough I was right in the middle of listening to Future of the Left's Lapsed Catholics are the Worst. When who rocks up and taps me on shoulder, overjoyed at seeing me again? Yes, crazy religious lady numero uno. I wonder what would happen if I listened to Sonic Youth's Catholic Block?



I'm too scared to play it now, for fear I will have Mormons banging on my door before the chorus.

Yes so anyway, needless to say I was more than pissed off that she didn't understand the universally known sign that a person with headphones on, and who doesn't take them off even when you start talking to them means FUCK OFF. Double FUCK OFF even. That failed and she still seemed over the moon to see me. I'm not known for fits of insincere enthusiasm so I don't understand why she would be excited to see me. The dialogue went as such:

Her: (don't know what she said. wasn't listening)

Her: It's Claire right?

Me: Yes

Her: Named after Saint Claire right?

Me: No

Her: BLAH BLAH BLAH x 40 minutes.

And just so it doesn't look like I'm a total bitch, let me just clarify that she was talking at me the whole bus ride, exclaiming how the Lord is amazing and that my life is a waste if I don't believe this. I think her life is a total waste if she believes this is the way to hold meaningful relationships - by patronising the fuck out of everyone that comes her way. Okay so that didn't really make me look less of a bitch but you get my drift - we're not just dealing with a loney lady here who wants a bit of conversation. We're dealing with a high level patronising religious zealot that has no FUCKING right to take up all the dialogue on such a subject.

ANYWAY - I digress…..I've been out and about in the Canyons, finding lots of amusing and slightly disturbing things that I felt worthy of wasting your time with.
First up, on the approach to the canyon entrance there is this:

I'm not sure which is more stupid, the fact that the road is built toward a canyon crevice, or that people need to be told despite the immediate view of a cliff edge, that they shouldn't drive any further.

But the most frustrating thing I see when I go to the canyon is the sign which sadly tells me I can't  bust out with my fantasies of mass killings.

Note the 'no firearms' sign amongst the no littering warning. Bummer. I was really hoping to kill everyone in my way. That would make my blog much more interesting.

And still on the signage, there is a notice about 'living with Kayotes'. They really exist! Or I am really living in Looney Tunes. If I see a Road Runner it will confirm it for me (they actually exist too!).

Still no luck spotting a rattlesnake, but signs of rabbit holes are everywhere which would indicate they have to be around here somewhere. Maybe I'll start overturning random logs and see if I can feel around with my hands for one. Again, that would be totally awesome for the blog.

So as you can see, it's excitement all round in Cali. I will actually post something intelligent at some point. Hang in there, dear reader (I assume there's only one?). I'll scrape together a brain cell or two and see what I can find.

Grumpy

Before I start my whinging, I need to first express how brilliant Polvo's new album is. After about 10 years between albums they decided to reform and have produced a really great record. It made me run even faster through the canyons today (more on that later).

But I'm over that now because I just found out Polvo is playing a double bill with Modest Mouse in London in December. This is TERRIBLE! This happens EVERY time I leave London. No joke, every time I've gone away for an extended period it's like my all time favourite bands that broke up over ten years ago all get together and decide to hold a big reunion festival. And then they break up again and I never see them live. There's only so much I can take of this.

So since I've started whining I may as well continue the rest of the post, for consistency sake of course. I saw the new Cohen brothers film today and had my viewing pleasure destroyed by an audience munching popcorn louder than I thought physically possible. In addition I heard every second line repeated by a bunch of loud old ladies who had to relay each line to their deaf friend (or she was just an idiot and needed every sentence of dialogue explained. Or both).
In an attempt to cope I was forced to implement high level death-stare techniques, spanning 180 degrees of the audience. Lucky I've been practising these techniques my whole life as otherwise it would have been a lot harder. They were coming at me from all sides with their tooth crunching popcorn munching! My head was about to explode! Just like they have movie sessions where you can take your baby, they need to have sessions just for people who don't actually want to see the film but want to stuff their faces with food and talk to their friends. Nrgh!


Then I had to wait 45 minutes for a bus.

And it rained too. RAIN! What the?

Correction from previous post

Apologies for my delay between posts. I've been out jogging in the canyons, and getting ponytail whipped by the (bitches!) women that patrol these neighbourhoods in matching tracksuit tops and pants (that's trousers for the English contingent). But don't worry my friends. I'm growing my hair, sharpening my ponytail into a weapon to be reckoned with. No little frappacino drinking, Juicy Couture wearing, botox injected slag is gonna get in my way when I'm done. Or any crazy religious people that accost me at the bus stop and insist on telling me how freakin' thankful we should be to god for our existence, and then proceed to catch the next two buses as me and not stop preaching at me for 45minutes. If there's any reason that justifies violence, I may have just found it.

But I digress. The point of this post is to stand up in public and say I was WRONG. Yes, I can say that word. Just.

First, let me visually recap:

I was WRONG to say that my unnamed scientist friend was sporting the socks and sandal look. I was informed by the said scientist last night that they aren't actually socks, but booties. BIG difference apparently. I proposed he was actually wearing women's tennis socks with the pom poms cut off. He duly admitted he has a drawer full of cut off pom poms at home.

So in conclusion, it would seem that scientists of this era aren't wearing socks and sandals, so much as they are women's tennis booties and hyrbrid sandal/sneaker combos. Oh and beards too. Can someone explain why a: most scientists are men, and b: why beards are the standard? Is there something I'm missing (clearly a beard being in a science department), but apart from that??

ps Bec, they are not still socks. That Wikipedia definition states that socks are designed to be fashionable (among other things). I rest my case.

Target of 0.1% knowledge of geophysics achieved!

I set my targets of understanding high, and I'm happy to say I've reached an amazing level of 0.1% from a talk given here at the university with the scientist I'm working with.

While not as entertaining as photos of dead skunk, I thought I'd put up some pictures of scientists-in-action-using-my-designs. There is a high probability this post is only exciting to me, but well, let's be honest here - this is a blog. Which is an electronic manifestation of narcissism. It's all about me.

This was a presentation given to a bunch of super smart people here at SCRIPPS (when I've hit my  remaining target of 99.9% of knowledge to understand I will be able to explain what that acronym stands for. At the moment all I can say is it's something to do with scientists at a really prestigious university who mostly have beards and wear sandals). These scientists are so smart they carry back-up socks in secret pockets of their shorts, in case the weather gets a little nippy and sandals alone aren't enough (always thinking!).

I think I understood about 20% of the talk. Which I feel quite proud about. You want to know about Plate Tectonics? Well come talk to me. I can tell you 20% of the story. Actually it's probably more like 0.1% but that percentage has been no mean feat to achieve. I've had to look at countless pictures in geophysics text books to get there. And finding geophysics text books with pictures in the first instance is no easy task. All those equations and theory BLAH BLAH BLAH. Cut to the pictures people!

(my new logos for the lab unveiled!!)

And in summary of my poll about what the images in my previous post represented, your comments were greatly appreciated and encouraging. I can now say, with pride, that I am skilled in creating imagery of dead foetuses and/or bacteria, and/or aliens. I'm clearly right on the mark for making imagery associated with fluid dynamics of the earth and other planets. Your serious and thoughtful feedback has been invaluable. Really boosted my confidence. You guys are the best.

Typographic signage crisis hits San Diego!

First, some background reading.

Read this first. 

I HATE Helvetica so the first para really threw me. But by the end of this article I was in agreement. Despite the weather being better than Australia, coupled with the comparison of London winter - it's all ruined because the typography of signage everywhere here is so offensive.

I see no reason to stay here anymore.

If I see one more sign in Comic Sans, I'm going to vow never to return to this god forsaken land of typographic abuse..

The copywriting here is also quite entertaining. It's all SO literal.

Examples:
1. A fast food mexican place as seen from the highway with a huge sign erected over the building. In billboard sizing it read simply, "It's a Taco shop", with an arrow pointing down just in case you have no brain cells, or could not tell what cuisine you are eating while at the counter ordering a Taco. Shit, you guys serve Taco's here?

2. Coupons in the mail for various services. One for a Podiatrist. The campaign pitch: "Diabetes" (how unique). The strapline: "It's a matter of life and limb" (I think there might be a few endocrinologists out there who would argue there may be a bit more to it than that. But then, what would they know.)

This is dangerous

1. A TV the size of a house
2. A high-def screen
3. The TV connected to Apple TV
4. Said TV connected to said Apple TV which directly links to youtube

Watching youtube on a massive screen is probably the mecca of how to procrastinate via youtube. I already have a more than healthy obsession with youtube, and I think it's about to reach new heights. Imagine, I can watch every last live recording of Them Crooked Vultures in wide screen high-def! This is GOLD. The blog may be a bit slower now that I've entered the next realm of youtube viewing....

Oh the monotony

 (view from the lab)
Another day, another sunset as seen from the office window.


This relentless good weather is really getting tiresome. I mean, it's just SO monotonous. I don't know how long I can keep up the routine of:

• coffee in the morning sat outside, overlooking the canyon,
• a quick trip to the beach, I mean, my office
• a walk along the beach to freshen up before working
• Lunch sat on the cliff top overlooking the sea
• a spot of conversation on the philosophical meaning of 'virtual' and how that can be reduced down to a logo
• various lectures on plate tectonics. lots of maths and equations so a good time for a nap as I don't understand shit of that stuff.
• Perusal of huge geophysics text books, just looking at all the awesome patterns made into models of planets
• A little bit of drawing, some photography, a bit of designing.....

This is KER-RAZY!

I may have to break up the monotony by taking out one of the canoes on the beach so I can see, and not just hear, the sea lions that hang out at the base of the cliff I work from. Or maybe I'll try a spot of para-gliding from up the hill. That could be an alternative method of commuting to work. Tough choices to make.

(my office [left window])

Seriously, this place is out of control picture perfect. Even the sunset looks totally fake, with fluffy little clouds bordering the sun like a cheesy postcard. I swear it's all gotta be green screened - it's just not believable (I think that's also known as unbelievable).

(another sunset....)

It's so hard to take photographs that don't look like tourist postcards. I'm really trying but it's just SO like a postcard here. Everything checks out to the mental picture I had of California. From the houses, to the wildlife, the surfers - even skateboards are shaped like pointed elipses like you'd see from some 70's documentary on Californian counter culture.

And if all that isn't hard enough to deal with, I also have to put up with "TG", 'Thank God It's Friday'. This is a grad student bar set up on a place literally right on the beach and all you pay is $1 for a beer. Oh and it's BYO cup. Doesn't matter how big the cup is, it's still only $1. Even lugging down a mug the size of a keg, they didn't bat an eyelid. They just filled that puppy up and I slapped down my crisp $1 bill. That's like, 60 pence a beer. That's probably less than beer cost in WW1. My liver's got no chance now. It's totally my new favourite bar. Ever.

Looney Tunes livin'

Anyone a Pepe Le Pew fan? Well guess what, I found him and he's dead. Check this out!

Dead Skunk! How totally RAD is that!!! I had this music in my head as soon as I saw it. I was half expecting it to bounce back up into 3D but this one was actually real and I didn't see any sign of a steam roller being the cause of death (which, as we all know, you can't die from, you just get flattened then re-inflate as per the medicine of Looney Tunes).

Fresh from the Lab

I've been doing some experimenting today.....need your help. Can you please comment on my blog and tell me what you see in these pictures that I made - doesn't matter how obscure the reference is, I'm really keen to hear what you think they could possibly be (or associated with). Be the first to be part of this important research direct from LabCabinCalifornia!!

And don't forget to listen to Them Crooked Vultures. In fact, screw my pictures and go listen to the record. It's that good.

Crooked Palm Trees

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQ6arQ-qK34

A brief interlude from the socks and sandals capers of San Diego to simply say HOLY MOTHER OF GOD the new Them Crooked Vultures album is the most amazing record I've heard in a LONG time. You MUST listen to it. But not if you have shitty speakers. Don't insult this record with some crap ipod speaker box thing. This is an album with Dave Grohl on drums, a dude from Led Zepplin and Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age. They demand quality speakers.

This record is like listening to Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix, QOTSA, The Doors and Aerosmith (pre 1979) all at the same time. It's INSANELY good.

I've just finished listening to the full album while on my way to the Lab. I was having spasms of joy while walking up the sidewalk (look! I said sidewalk! I'm like, totally a local down with the vernacular! Party on Wayne!). Despite being another beautiful 28 degree day I had goosebumps on my arms listening to it. And just like my friend Jon, I too was having involuntary PDORA (Public Displays of Rock Action). I was throwing devil horns and playing air guitar the entire bus ride, with no ability to control myself.

Ah....good weather, good food, awesome views, awesome job and totally awesome music on the speakers. I'm like, totally in heaven (dude).

although not quite sure why I keep using biblical terms to emphasise how good things are. Let's just assume for the purpose of this blog that I'm lost in delirium and don't really mean to associate goodness with anything religious.

More from the frontline of socks and sandal styling soon......

Socks and sandals mayhem!!

(office view)











Day two of uninterrupted sunshine. This weather is insane. I have taken a solemn vow never to take good weather for granted again. I may even be so bold in saying the weather here is better than Australia.

(the lab on the cliff)











I've settled into the Lab proper today. It's been a hard days work with the warm sun shining through the floor to ceiling windows, a sea breeze blowing softly, the sound of the waves crashing in the distance and the gentle flip flop of dolphins dancing in the water. Okay so I made that last bit up, but there ARE dolphins out there, as well as seals. And rattlesnakes too. Strangely I want to see a rattlesnake more than a dolphin. I'm working on it.

The day was so tough I had to take myself off for a walk along the beach at lunch to get used to all this complete and utter serenity.

Oh and I've begun my full audit of the scientist/sandal/sock phenomena. I had to work swiftly to get the one shot of my first scientist styling the look. He was particularly unhappy with my request for a shot, and when I took it anyway, I was sternly instructed that it "better not show up on any blog". So naturally the first thing I've done is put it up. Sorry Dave, but you teased me while I was impaired by jet lag. That's not a fair game and retaliation is called for.

And while sans socks, here's an exciting shot of my own rock-star birkenstocks (the studs on the leather strap denounce "rock star". )

Stay tuned for more socks and sandal dramas as they unfold.......

Launch of the Lab

 

30 degrees today. Need I say more? Probably not but I've decided to keep a blog anyway...

Arrived in San Diego via Phoenix last night. It's all rattlesnakes and Brady Bunch style houses here. Front doors are all double doors, fridges too, and all microwaves  tell you what setting to put it on for popcorn.

The weather is so warm I may not actually need to spark up my carefully packed socks and sandal combos.

More to come soon when the lag wears off....